your voice is therapeutic to me
my voice is poison to you
I don’t want to feel this way anymore

you promised me that I could call you during a panic attack. you are nowhere to be found. i cant tell what hurts more, my head or my chest.

I remember when my depression was over stupid things like whether I’ll amount to anything and existentialism. Now I just care if I’ll ever hear you say my name again.

     I have lost more than just my girlfriend. I have lost my best friend. I have lost the one person that looked past all of my imperfections and craziness to see me as a beautiful person. I betrayed your loyalty with my self-absorbed distance and I understand if you never want to talk to me again. It breaks my heart that you won’t call me your little nugget anymore and that I can’t call you my sweet potato among other cute names we had for each other. I don’t feel like myself anymore. The light of my life is gone and I would do anything to get you back. It’s crazy how differently the world can look when you aren’t with the one you love. All I can say is that I’m sorry and that I’d cross the world and back to have you again. I love you more than anything in the world, but if you want me to let you go so fast, that’s asking a lot. Before you my relationships were shit. I was used or most girls would learn how abnormal I am underneath my normal persona. You saw every part of me and loved me for it and all I can do is thank you. You gave me hope that someone can love me for who I truly am. Love is a two way street and if you don’t want to be with me, I guess I’ll have to leave you alone. Forever and always may have a different meaning and I have yet to figure it out. I love you so much. Thank you for the greatest year of my life.

                                                  Your’s truly, 

                                                                      Ry

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I JUST SMOKED A LOT OF POT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST A YEAR WITHOUT HAVING A FULL BLOWN ON PANIC ATTACK I AM SO HAPPY. IM A LITTLE SHAKY BUT BESIDES THAT I AM SO HAPPY. THIS IS GREAT. I’m not gonna smoke regularly but now I know I can do it on special occasions every now and again! 

I finally got my GAD and panic attack prescriptions. I almost feel like myself again. I had my first panic attack almost a year ago with several after and I haven’t been the same since. I am against taking prescription medicine but it was becoming unbearable so I gave something new a shot. I feel a lot better.

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